Stop talking

2006-05-18T18:04:00.000+08:00

My friends and I have got a new blog.
http://www.cunts-and-roses.blogspot.com
The blogskin is a lil weird coz i did it overnight. We wanted to do something that includes the X men theme..perhaps after xmen is over we'll change it to something a lil more obscene. Our blog name is cunts and roses afterall. (gross)

I want to eat lesser. Not coz i want to loose weight (yeah sure i want to loose the flab) but because i think ive been spending too much money on food already and im not too proud of that.

This semester is rather challenging. It's like everyone is giving us a workload. STRESS? you can say tt again.

Im happy. Even though i sleep lesser and i do sch work. Im happy.

Just yesterday my friend broke up with her boyfriend. It was a nasty scene.
Sometimes i wish everything could be less complicated for everyone.

Just helped my grandmother with her earrings. Her skin is so frail and she has about 3 ear holes on each side of her ear. But all of them are so enlarged. I tried to shift the earrings to the highest holes but they still seemed to be dangling off her ears. In the end i told her not to wear them at all. The holes that the earrings were removed from looked so raw and red. Is this what being old is like?

2006-03-29T15:40:00.000+08:00

So im sitting down here in front of my new laptop. Im lucky coz my parents decided to get it for me first. But now ive to work extra hard to pay them both in cash and household chores.

Im having a rather annoying case of flu right now. My bro's been painting the house and the smell sure isnt helping me one bit.

The weather is slightly chilly, expected since it has been raining for a few hours. The sky is still pretty dark. It's one cloudy overcast sky.

I watched Opera just now. I just cant help but marvel at the way she conducts every talkshow. She's so professional and she always asks the right questions. Questions she knows that audiences want answered. Im sure she's fucking rich, but at least she contributes to society. I don't mean contribute as in just donating to charity. She actually invites people and addresses problems like people suffering from natural disasters, abuse, disorders and many other things that we read about but have no power over.

I wanna dance. Haven clubbed in a really long time.

Hold my hand yeah. And i'll show u how mighty crazy this world can be.

2006-03-17T02:16:00.000+08:00

Everytime i think im going to make blogging a daily affair im wrong. I've stopped so many times, taken long vacations in between blog entries and then i've reached a point where i cant talk about today coz i didn't blog about yesterday.

My dramatic life has gone past the point of being over exaggerated so no one will believe what i said even if i wrote it as a fiction. In the past few months however, i know that there are many people i can rely on and will give my support to when they need help. They've been my only saving grace from the hectic mass comm life and i truly thank them.

Confusion is the top of my problem although i tell myself to quit it. You see, confusion does not leave u. It deliberates and suffocates you; then it lossens its grip. But all these while you think it's gone. It's not. It's noose still hangs around your neck.

i wish insanity came before confusion. it's so much easier to deal with insanity then to deal with confusion. coz when u're insane, you're caught up in a world that revolves around you and the issue that keeps u insane. When you're confused you're everywhere but no where in particular.

purple chipped nails
buckets and red pails
these colours aren't real
pretty pink hearts
golden brown tarts
they're nothing but art

everything's so ugly
everything's so ugly
even pretty flowers
and poster girls
they're just nothing
just nothing at all

imma confess
i might repress
holding on to pieces
i thought i'd let go

imma confess
my life's a mess
seeing all these people
i thought i'd known

everything's so ugly
everything's so ugly
even pretty flowers
and poster girls
they're just nothing
just nothing at all

2006-01-07T03:46:00.000+08:00

Tuk tuk tuk. The sound dots make when they drop. Last few happy hours mashed with sleep in my still waking land of forever.Pretty dancing droplets of blue tear splashes. The endlessness of this beginning is eating up my existance. CD covers lying in the middle of deep blue latex and staples stuck beneath them in a lolita fashion.The bright orange cup is staring so hard it wants to burst but it cannot because it is solidly imperfect. Sleep is calling out from my soft flower bed and the sweater on it says no i must wait. Are you skin that makes me crawl? I want senses that have no six in them and do not tell me hot from cold. Happy hearing to my gleeful smile pasted on a face that hides sceneries. The pretty black clicks and blinks and tinks. wet hair cannot be sleeped in.

2005-12-26T12:25:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was cool. I woke up, played maple story (yeah Johnmin i know i killed lotsa snails) and played it till I got scolded by my mum. Then I went out shopping with her. Unfortunately due to the bad cough and flu I didn't enjoy myself as much. After that my parents and I had dinner together till quite late (we usually have dinner early). Went out with my mates( Aloy and Ethan) after tt. We went shopping for presents(actually they already did theirs so i had to do my share). We bought a present for Felicia (da lil girl at the LAN shop). We met Izzat at suntec where the guys were collecting their chocs for Adri. We went down to town after that coz i wanted to get my second part of Adri's present but it was too late. Muahaha. So in the end we all accompanied Zat to Macs to eat. Aloy and Ethan spotted a hot eurasian girl (well cant blame them coz she came to the bin near us) and she took their breaths away. ( YOU SHLD HAVE SEEN THEM ADRI!)So then we made our way to the LAN shop on a taxi. Funny shit, me and zat poking poor Aloy on the way. He looked like he had spasms or something.
It was crowded at the LAN shop. We saw Felicia and gave her the present. HAHa..her parents (who own the shop) felt so bad they gave use chocs each and a drink "on the house". We waited 2 hours until some guys vacated. But within that time we brought Felicia with us across the road coz we had to draw money. Her mum said "must hold jie jie's hand ok?" to her before we left. But she ended up poking Aloy and making fun of his hair all the time.

So finally we got to play DOTA. Ethan,Zat and me against Aloy and Terence. Adri played maple story. muahaha. Aloy and Terence were good, they scored the highest hero scores. But we managed to beat them coz we had more people...muahaha..so all's fair?

okie so went home in a cab with Zat. Felt happy. tried to sleep. Felt sad. Thoughts coming through my mind again. The usual stuff. Give it up Wendy. So then i finally fall asleep. Wake up at 5.30am coz my mum was leaving for HK. But she told me to sleep on coz I was out till so late. So yep, I talked to her for abit then went back to sleep. Took me another 1 hour to get the thoughts out of my head before I went back to sleep. Then I'm up again. Gonna go to Aloy's house to do feature together. Im still sick with the same cough and flu. lol. Aloy insists on coming over to help carry my lappie. Those guys. Cant live with them, cant live without them.

love u all.
that's all for now.

2005-12-24T14:33:00.000+08:00

The vicious cycle

Girl 1 has a boyfriend (Guy 1) -> Guy 2 likes Girl 1 -> Girl 1 has problems in relationship -> Guy 2 talks to Girl 1 alot and they find themselves attracted to one another -> Girl 1 breaks up with Guy 1 -> Girl 1 goes out with Guy 2 -> Girl 1 and
Guy 2 get together -> Eventually they break up......................

Girl 2 has a boyfriend (Guy 3) -> Guy 2 likes Girl 2 -> do I really have to repeat myself?

Wasted myself last night because I was right about stuff. I just knew it would happen and I even knew who it would concern. Yet I told myself it was anothing but a self fulfilling prophecy. But then it wasn't. Last night told me that instincts don't lie all the time.

I wouldn't even ask why her because I can't think of another her you would consider. I cant dislike her. And that frustrates me. I can dislike you, but im just not doing that. Pretty, glossy and happy. Your new found excitement coupled with sadness for only half her heart can be taken by you for now.
Enter that world and the cycle is bound to repeat.

Christmas

The bright lights and shiny presents under the tree. A day supposedly to commemorate the birth of Christ. But now made glamorous. Underneath all that, a bunch of money making industries scheming to pollute our minds with their endless propaganda. We spend and delight ourselves in the luxuries that come only a few times a year. Deep inside our inner self demands to know why we are being tricked into this whole business. All smiles, all laughs. How about the pain, the hurt and the poor. Who's to be there for them? Poor in the pocket but rich in the heart.

Tonight I'm gonna be celebrating in my relatives house. lol. its been a long time.

2005-12-22T01:46:00.000+08:00

Im feeling sad.
Just sad and more upset.
This feeling's flooding through me.
If only I could even say why.

2005-12-20T14:50:00.000+08:00

dip no. 2 @ cocolatte (gallery hotel - near mohd sultan)

29th december. thurs.

9pm till late.

presale: $14

at the door: $16

ticket includes one free drink.

hip hop and r&b all night.

1 for 1 from 11-12am.

look glamourous and win $50 worth of Topshop vouchers!

2005-12-15T20:37:00.000+08:00

One of those other days in school today, except it doesn't really feel like school these days. Mostly its fun and more fun and crazy shit. After comm issues we were having "radio"..lol. It was funny. We went off the the library, but took a detour to have lunch first. Over lunch we talked about our idea of a combined blog. Wonder if it'll be possible. All our mad ass ideas into one webbie. Helluva disturbing idea.

I need to do Web D, it's due on the coming monday. I need ideas and ways to work my ideas out. haha. yeah, the working the ideas part is the hardest.

I like the challenge.

2005-12-15T01:49:00.000+08:00

Today I woke up before 10am and did the usual stuff (brush teeth, bathe, dress up, make up, rush for school). I Overslept on the train and no one woke me up. So there i was at Jurong East interchange sleeping in the corner. Then (coz i was listening to the radio), I heard carrie chong and suddenly i woke up, yeah her voice is quite high. Then i looked around and thought, "hey..isnt this my stop". My second thought was "o shit, everyone has gone out and now the other people are coming in, why am i still here?" So although i looked incredibly stupid and laughable with my shawl drapped over me, I ran out of the MRT. It was quite a silly thing to do considering the train wasn't about to move off.
So I had PR classes and the PR news release test. I do hope i pass it. After that I was off to Bukit Timah plaza with Adri,Aloy,Ethan and Zat. LOL. I wanted to deposit my cheque while Zat wanted to get a new atm card (his old one is really badly chipped, perhaps due to his animalistic actions). So after we were done with that I intended to head for work. Zat left to go back to school to help Casan and the rest with their junk yard sale. So anyway the rest of them decided they would accompany me to work then the two guys would send adri home.
Our little journey to my workplace was interesting. On 171 adri and me got onto seats while the two guys stood (with their manly pride) Then finally some people got up and they managed to sit down. Aloysius was sitting beside 'an older woman'. More then twice of his age definately. Then evil Ethan began to spin tales about Aloy and the woman beside him, pronouncing them "man and ogre". That was so mean.
Then when that older woman got off adri and I went to sit with them. It was one of those two facing two seaters. I fell asleep on Adri's shoulder and was woken up about three times for various reasons. In the end, Ethan fell asleep. Then Adri and i took my shawl and tickled his face with the ends. The more we tickled,the larger the smile was on his face. And yet he didn't notice because he was sleeping.
Finally when we woke him up he accused us of being up to something and it was really obvious although we blatantly denied.
He said he didnt know he was smiling as we did the tickly stuff to him.
It was really sunny and warm when we got out of the bus. I asked Adri if she wanted some ice cream. Aloy treated us to an 'ah pek' ice cream each. Adri and I had raspberry ripple flavour and aloy had atap seed flavoured ice cream on a cone which he felt was 'not worth it'.
Anyway he started licking his ice cream, to which Ethan commented, "he's a licker, not a eater" and following that Adri and I were trying to "escape from them".
Not long after we walked past a cock and hen. This triggered of several obscene jokes like " Don't play with other cocks" and "Don't stroke your cock"..etc. I guess I shall leave it at that.
Finally I did reach work, and as usual my colleagues had this surprised tone when they said hi to me..like "i haven seen you in a long time". LOL.. they are really quite cute.
But my night as a cashier was pretty fucked coz of some issues concerning my manager. But i guess that's ok, at least i had a relatively good time before i reached workplace.

I'm not sure if im happy. Well my parents were obviously worried sick today coz they didnt know i went to work and tried desperately to reach me. But i could only get a proper break around 11 plus. By which they were already sleeping. My mum wrote another one of those letters to me. I can barely call them letters, they're more like notices coz she writes them and leaves them on the dinning table most of the time. Totally indiscreet.

I hope I'm able to comprehend myself and my thoughts and better soon. Today's hell of a blogging mood for me.
haha.

muack* to nobody in particular. Just wanted to do a muack*

2005-11-21T03:00:00.000+08:00

Im feeling drowsy, tired, wanting to be high (the jim beam didnt do shit).
But what i want. Is to be happy. I want to know what my heart desires so badly. I want to go crazy and be caught in a passionate embrace.

Just love, hug, hug somemore, and then forget.

My retainers are making me feel weird. Like strangling my teeth and making me feel that my bed is calling out to me. I should be sleeping now. But my dreams are endless, antagonizingly upsetting and realistic. Sometimes when i sleep i reckon im drowning in my thoughts.

I have no idea what i need now. but sleep does seem to be enticing me.

2005-11-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

we barely glanced at one another.

lets say hi.

im just nobody.

2005-11-15T01:50:00.000+08:00

Im reading im reading im reading.
Wendy, try to understand yourself better.
get a grip.

2005-11-14T16:56:00.000+08:00

When I was young, I was happy. I was happy with life being so carefree and contented with little things. Now that I'm older, things have changed. I'm no longer the same happy person i used to be. I think alot more and I'm easily bothered by what people say. I want to be loved and trusted. I'm not longer satisfied with looking presentable. I want to look better, speak better and dress better. This change is so gradual that I barely notice it. But when I do, I'm thinking again. Thinking how fine it would be if I reverted to the old me. There are more insecurities and questions I ask as I get older. It's not that i enjoy thinking about stuff this way, it does not excite me. Half the time it makes me more miserable then i really am.
Suddenly I'm not in my own little world anymore. I'm being exposed to things that go on around me and worldy affairs. I'm slowly absorbed into the teenage world where not everyone is as kind to you anymore.
I used to dream of growing up. Now I dream otherwise.
There's so much pain, hatred and sadness now compared to before.
Have you ever loved someone? Maybe you've fallen in and out of love multiple times. This is such a difficult thing to do. To love someone. It's so hard to be together with someone and expect a fairytale ending.
Now I'm more aware that affairs happen. People feel they have a right to separate from those they used to love because of someone new. There's always someone new all the time. It's so difficult to resist the temptation of new love. Because it can be so thrilling. New love is always so exciting, so unpredictable and dangerous. After that early phase everything quietens down. Then problems start surfacing and arguments happen. You find that love was never quite the same as before.

parting is so painful. All those happy memories. All gone down the route of singlehood.
I'm not unfeeling. I still have feelings. Those that involve you being around.
But I should stop thinking about them. I should. But whether i want to or not is another question.

2005-11-11T02:47:00.000+08:00

All the promises we made.
gone again.
i should have seen it coming.
that mental image of u has shattered.
all pieces now that i wun pick.
for if i do they'll hurt me more.
the real you.
will i ever see it.
i know it exists.
but i've failed to uncover.
if only u made things easier.
but that's the way you are.
or so you say.
i know u better then u think.
yet i wish i knew lesser.
wish i was ignorant.
wish i wouldnt probe.
but i did.
so it's over now.

2005-09-28T13:17:00.000+08:00

Im super damn bored. For the past few days I've been sleeping late, waking up late, slacking and then going off to work.
I wanna be going out again before i collect more fats on my tummy, which is by the way, expanding horizontally.
This sat imma go for dawn and manda's party at cocolatte, but i cant stay long. Mum's been pissed about me staying out so late and all.
Work's been pretty interesting, like better then before.
Dawn's gonna be on the horoscope thingy in zao bao this sunday
mine's the following sunday
mine's so bladdie cutsy i cant stand it..pukes*

2005-09-23T14:53:00.000+08:00

Momo wasnt as much a blast as i expected it to be.
Firstly, the crowd was overwhelming. Although this means meeting alot of people I know, the down side is I get to meet alot of weird people I don't know.
The guys tried to be touchy, as usual. But sorry, me and my gurls will never step out of our worlds for you desperados. look, no touching.
Secondly, the drink queue was annoying too. It took a person half an hour to get to the drinks.
Thirdly, the podiums were really small. This indian dude was dancing (or rather, flinging his arms wildly) and almost swept Dawn off the podium. Grrr... I told him that he was pushing my friend off and he said sorry. Its hard for people to improve in a few minutes, so he continued 'dancing'. What's the deal with hogging the podium when u can't dance, seriously.

Ok, then i got home real late and found out that i probably have to pay off all my bills and stuff once i get my pay. So that leaves around 50 bucks which i have to save in my account coz the value in there is dipping low.

muacks to dawn and manda..

Hugs for Les, i understand k?

another day

2005-09-21T12:19:00.000+08:00

My new funny hair. I've decided to get real straight bangs for my hair. OMG..weird rite?
Hols are here and im dead broke. That's how life is for me now. It seems now like a pulsing trend as some of my days are fast paced and other days are simply monotonous.
I need to stay at home more coz i don't have cash to spare.
Gonna read the book "The Devil's Advocate" which i borrowed from the school library. Believe it or not the book struck me as Keanu Reeves was on the cover, looking suave as usual.
So i plucked it off the shelves and read a whole chapter of it. And then i got hooked.
I want a whole day to myself.

les, production production production. But i'm glad u're happy coz u tell me u learn lots more stuff from it. hugs*

We're all kids in this material world. Money is our little key to getting what we want. But often this key doesnt fit all doors.

Miss u all clubbing people:
F/T Dawn,Manda,Shalu,Mabs,Penny,Casan,Izzat,Shan Shan.
P/T Fiona,Melvin,Jon.. muahaa
Wanna groove with ya'll but I dun think i'll be clubbing for a while coz im dead broke... MUACKS* to u all

*F/T: Full timers
*P/T: Part timers

2005-09-11T15:41:00.000+08:00

((pretty white dress))

MRM gotta study gotta study gotta study...
tml tml tml tml tml...arrrrrgggghhhh
okie..dun freak out dun freak out dun freak out...

Les gonna go to m'sia..lol..wedding at JB..interesting
i wonder how weddings are in diferent parts of the world..
If i could, i would compile an album of different wedding ceremonies in a book.
Call it world weddings...ok..nothing new

blah blah
*hugs* to everyone feeling stressed...

long day

2005-09-08T13:18:00.000+08:00

OK..last night was a first at zouk. DAmn..we(dawn,manda,shalu,mabs) went to liquid and drank to our complimentary drinks. LOL..shouldnt have done tt...urrgg...finally got high in a club and danced to the max. lol..kinda weird coz u dun realise how much energy you exerted until the next day.
LOl..ok..yest. in sequence:

1. woke up and went to meet les in town
2. got my portfolio
3. ate at pastamania
4. went to cine..watch les get his spidey comic
5. had drinks and snacks at buttercup
6. went to work: New supervisor, and weird men came again
7. met the 4 gals
8. headed for liquid (got my membership card alrey)
9. Went to zouk
10. Went home (realli realli tired)

Okie..wad a long day for me. Ate so bladdie much.lol..thanks les..muahahaha..

time to get down to studying mrm!

2005-08-29T21:48:00.000+08:00

lalalalala...
work work work
presentations presentations
love love..
muack muack
kissy wissy
lol.

life has become messy lately.
need some sorting out.

im starting to think work's not bad.

im starting to do things faster.
come'on up..im a factory worker now..i can multi task and chat at the same time. Amazing.

2005-08-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

Im kinda sick.
Need sleep.
Wanna drift into lala land and be happy
o so happy

Home was weird. Like kinda cool / nice dancers
Alot of NP people.
cheers to cyn and Jon..their happy bdays

*confused, yes, tt's my middle name

2005-08-15T07:17:00.000+08:00

yep that's a pic of dawnny and me before News Room Bar

Im tired. The alarm rang at 6am and i shut it off. Fortunately i managed to get up before i fell back into deep sleep. I had these weird dreams the whole night and i couldnt tell whether i was half asleep or just really active in dreamland.
I decided not to go to sch. Wanna study TV later. But i still gotta go to sch coz i need to hand up Lai's peer eval, which i failed to hand up for her last fri (luckily i uncovered it in my stack of mess) and ive gotta take back my ad analysis (which i hope is due for collection).
I have to go to my cousin's shop later too, i need to purchase some of her stock.
O wells...after all that organising my mess im kinda beat. Think i'll go rest some and wake up to study.

let me think..
sleep 7.30am - 9.30am
study tv 10am - 1.30pm (ya rite)
leave for sch 2.30pm
reach sch 3.30pm
leave sch 4pm
reach cousin's place 4.15pm

OK..this is packed enough for me!

woohoohoo.....

2005-08-13T09:32:00.000+08:00

laughing at myself

Today morning i woke up to the sound of SMS.
My mum, she reminded me to call da La Salle pple. Wonder if it'll do any good coz we haven gotten a response lately. Last night i spent most of time time writing news. The weird thing is that i over-wrote and then Ya Wen SMSed me at 1 plus am to tell me to re-para it. It must have been atrocious. Ah well, so today morn i wake up and there's lots for me to do already. I've done my news writing and sent it to her. Wonder how it's gonna be. I was supposed to sms the scouty pple to remind em to meet tml. I wonder if they will turn up. Haven smsed them. been too tired.
I need to brush my teeth..(i can read the expression on your face now..yeah)
Gonna work tonight at the restaurant. It's going to be real crowded today coz it's a weekend..(duh)
I have to figure out how i can better hold the tray and serve others. This semi-fine dining this is freaking me out coz i feel so pressured to be professional..which of coz leads me to screwing up in the end.
How can people acually read and understand what i write. Geez. Thanks if you actually bothered to read up till this time.
haha..i better run off and wash ma FACE!

OUT*

2005-08-09T12:50:00.000+08:00

It's over again.

and ive got nothing left to say.

you think its the best for us.

yeah that's what u think.

Plus u seem to think u know urself well.

That we won't last anyway.

We'll be best friends.

But i need time.

2005-08-09T12:44:00.000+08:00

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

CHORUS
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh, oh oh

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

CHORUS

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

CHORUS X 2

2005-08-09T12:41:00.000+08:00

[chorus]
I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake you off

By the time you get this message
It's gonna be too late
So don't bother paging me
Cause I'll be on my way
See I grabbed all my diamonds and clothes
Just ask your momma she knows
You're gonna miss me baby
Hate to say I told you so
Well at first I didn't know
But now it's clear to me
You would cheat with all your freaks
And lie compulsively
So I packed up my Louis Vuitton
Jumped in your ride and took off
You'll never ever find a girl
Who loves you more than me

[chorus]
I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake you off

Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake you off

[bridge]
I gotta shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off...

I found out about a gang
Of your dirty little deeds
With this one and that one
By the pool, on the beach, in the streets
Heard y'all was
Hold up my phone's breakin' up
I'ma hang up and call the machine right back
I gotta get this off of my mind
You wasn't worth my time
I've leaving you behind
Cause I need a real love in my life
Save this recording because
I'm never coming back home
Baby I'm gone
Don't cha know

[chorus]
I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciated all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake you off

[bridge]

2005-08-09T12:39:00.000+08:00

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

2005-07-18T10:05:00.000+08:00

* 10.06am. Dark Sky. Heavy downpour. dunno where my Harry Potter book is*

Last night i had a horrible one on one with my mum. She was the evil ice queen and i was little red riding hood gone insane.

basically she confiscated my Harry Potter coz i was reading it till late. It was 12.50am when she decided she wanted me to sleep at all cost and snatched my book away like a crazy woman. Then when i told her tt my 50 bucks was in there, she screamed..get me a bookmark! Then i told her..but there's a way of doing it..so i grabbed my book and plied my 50 bucks away and slipped the cover into the page i had stopped at. All that with her tugging the book away from me.
*then she had another mean talk with me*

Ok...so today morning..i wake up..wishing by some miracle i would see that book on my table, but of coz it never happens...meaning my mum is still pissed with me..she's not even at home.

So Lai lai messages me and tells me abt her late tv prod peer eval..then it suddenly dawns upon me that my darn peer evaluation has not been touched..OMG!
So i rush it through..bladdie hell..
Late shit

Now im sitting here feeling semi lost and pathetic and yes...it is still raining heavily. The rain always knows when to start. When u're miserable, it's a thunderstorm. Ah well..better start checking the cupboards for my Potter book!

2005-07-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

Just a few days..just a few days and so much has happened
we got back together.
the weird couple once again.
and i reallie hope this round we'll be happier
and we'll understand each other better
and there are not reallie anymore ands..

hmm..so it just happened when i was at cocolatte i tot i would maybe catch a glimpse of ya, but i didnt. So ur junior spotted me and asked me " are u wendy" on his hp.. i couldnt see a thing coz he was bobbling up and down so i grabbed the phone..(pple thinking tt he was hitting on me. wtf)..then i read the message u sent him.."if u find wendy, ask her to call me"..lol..after the clubbing i realised tt u had msged me but my darn phone was in the locker the whole time, so was manda's..
and i cabbed to dawn's house to grab my bag before cabbing to urs. (the great adventure)
Then when i saw u..i was like..hey..is this happening?
u look kinda like a lil boy in the sleeveless shirt.
Lil but not lil. Hard to describe.
Then for a while i wondered if this was the right thing..and i asked u why u wanted me back..lol..u said "one night stand"./.bladdie hell...MUAHAHA..stupid jokes u always make.
they make me laugh.
But everything's gone happy again.
don't make me cry this bad again yea?
it hurts.

So now im eating my lychee wondering what it is that drove me into cutting my hair so freaking short.
As in..wow wendy..it's like u feel so lightheaded now.
my shoulder hurts tho..need a massage..

tml im gonna have breakfast with my parents..i actually said i wanted to go..tt's so rare.

now u call me. when u can. I emo less. k baby?

2005-07-13T12:05:00.000+08:00

Once u told me u wouldn't do anything to hurt me
Once u gave me a reason to be happy
Once u told u that u love me
last night you told me u do. love me
but somehow i don't know if that's true
coz you broke my heart so hard and fast
and told me you had to be alone
you cant give me what i want
that's what u said, that's what u thought
but you know what i want
now i cant truly have

All i know is i wanna wake up happy
but now i barely sleep, least wake
and all i ever do, is pour my heart out

Just pathetic wendy, just pathetic

There's so much more i wanna say, all these thoughts, all these memories.
But it's hard to without losing myself.

It'll take time, but im determined to be alright.

2005-07-05T19:53:00.000+08:00

These days time passes by real fast. I need to get started on News writing and think of some questions for media research. Dammy Dammy dee dee.
i'm quite unwell again...i think it's the weather. The other day the winds were so bad that they inverted my umbrella once i opened it! Then i had trouble closing it and opening it again. LOL...talk about long winded...
Gonna watch war of the worlds tml! heard tt it ws crappy but i dun care. Just gonna see how bad it is then!

2005-06-29T23:58:00.000+08:00

I want to know
If things can be happy
I wanna laugh and play
and run and dance
like i always knew
like i always did before
but now i just stumble
I fall and fall
and i wanna be rescued
but by whom i need to know

batman dadadadadada batman!

HOho

2005-06-11T20:01:00.000+08:00

The last time i blogged seems a gazillion years ago! Sorry bloggy! I think im feeling happy doing things these days. Like this seems utterly insane, but i enjoy doing sch work and all. Amazing huh? I simply cannot believe my mind. And I'm listening to so much of Nancy Sinatra's bang bang that my head is aching! But i just love the sadness in the song. It's like sometimes when u're upset u dunno what the heck got into ur mind and there's simply no way to express it in words. Well yeah, i think this song helps. Makes u understand that sadness, makes the raw feeling surface and allows u to burn urself with tears. Im so tired these days. im not sure why. When i look i look to long and when i talk i talk to much. Been reading marvel comics. muahaha..just finished the one about dark phoenix. So freaking sad. i cant believe she's turned into ashes right at the end. My favourite character gone.
I just find characters with psychic abilities mighty impressive. It's definately more believeable then controlling the elements and attracting metal. Comics are almost like those moralistic stories that teachers encourage you to read. Just that the messaged is conveyed subconsciously.
Had this meeting for my IS module storytelling today. We made the original Shrek 2 scene into one helluva joke. Dammit..i wonder how we actually screwed the entire plot up. LOL. The best part is that there's no happy ending. A great lie would be that there's a happy ending for mankind. There's never much truth in happy endings. Just hopes u alter ur perception so people are more optimistic about life. But the truth, never. The truth will never be the beautiful picture we paint. The truth hurts, the truth sucks..u've heard it all.
Despite all misery that we will be subjected to in life, we need to be strong (something i confess to being not entirely gd at)...Just smile and think happier and the days will pass faster.
yep, inspired to write another song. Without a proper tune.

This neverending nightmare

Just a little bit closer
the truth's a lil more louder
screaming inside my mind
knowing im not so kind
to change it into lies

wishing it would flyby
hoping it would past
But never believe it
never accepting it's real

So only if you hold my hand
help me try to understand
teach me how to comprehend
this never ending nightmare

keep me from this loser
make me move much much faster
hurting me deep inside
insanely this resides
empty truths called lies

wishing it would flyby
hoping it would past
But never believe it
never accepting it's real

So only if you hold my hand
help me try to understand
teach me how to comprehend
this never ending nightmare

2005-05-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

Its been two weeks alrey since i got back from Cambodia.
Ever since i came back ive begun to see things in a new light. Ok...blah blah blah..we 'know how fortunate we are and yes we shld appreciate it more'. But even if u know how to say this sentence u must truly experience the culture in a third world country to understand the full meaning of it. For starters, Cambodia isn't as bad as we think. It's a pretty nice place and I really miss it still.
Working to build the playground. Laying the bricks, making cement, planting, dumping sand, drilling, sawing, diging, knotting..etc..my group did all of that...there was alot of planning going on and we had to be all rounded in everything. It might have been tough, but because we enjoyed each others company so much it didn't become a chore for us. Instead it was a truly enjoyable and memorable experience.
The funny thing is that I got injured on the second last day of our trip. This rock slid into my slipper and cut off a slab of my skin. I just stared at my foot and started laughing. Terence said that he should reallie take a picture of that coz it goes to show how insane i am. Anyway, the price was paid when les carried me down (it was getting too bloody to walk on) and then when we reached downhill( and i alrey felt more heartpain then wound pain)..the real pain begun. The torture of putting that chinese powder on my wound was almost unbearable. But i think les went thru more torment compared to me. Thanks baby =) Well, after a whole lot of gauzes, i think ma feet's totally ok. now i just got some raw patch looking thing under my feet.
I've been pretty emotional lately. Sometimes for no reason i go crazy and i unleash my grouchiness and fury. I'm sorry les baby! But things have worked out better and i feel much more contented with each passing day.

im outa here...

strange world

2005-04-14T20:51:00.000+08:00

Countdown to Cambodia : 2 Days

Hi blog!
Melvin, think im under ur influence...I'm watching desperate housewives. It's really an interesting show!
i've been drifting around the past few days because I can work/ cant go out tt much...BORING.
But im sure everyone got that word in their heads before i even mentioned it anyway These days i've been having weird nightmares. Janice told me that it might be because there is something over or under my bed that could be causing it. Sounds freaky. But im sure she meant objects.
I've been eating alot and i think i reallie look way fatter then before. maybe i'll be this bloated baloon thing if i eat more...but it'll be fun! I can float in da sky!
Ma dad told me he'll get me a new laptop sometime ago. But he broke that promise just yesterday. After I spent so much time hunting and decided which laptop would be light nuff and stuff like tt. Im sure u guys know my lappie is heavy. I mean, if he didn't mean it he should have told me a long time ago. Just got me psyched up for nothing and worse of all, now i'm a lil upset.
parents think i spend too much time online and i should be doing other things. Told ma dad that times have changed and most people go online and chat anyway. But i dun think he understands anyway. I dun even go online that often. Wad's da fuss abt?
Do other things...sure..like what..watch tv? Do more housework? Seriously, if he can just see for one second that im not detached from reality and the com isn't harming me much besides maybe harming my eyesight.
O well, wad can i say..FUCK it i guess. That's all. Just FUCK it.

So i write weird lyrics to make ma day even stranger.

Do these sounds tell

running round naked in my skin
twirling in grass of bad green
watching flowers blast grenades
making pretty bags with torns
screaming my secrets in winds

i fall i fall i fall
far down crumble
hear me rumble
feel me rage
im deranged

Listening to wildest voices
slapping on the noises
laughing at my weakness
shaking to sharp tremours
waking on bright nights

i fall i fall i fall
far down crumble
hear me rumble
feel me rage
im deranged

am i living now
will it be forever
just follow follow
beats will tell

those are a few of ma favourite things

2005-04-12T15:21:00.000+08:00

I need a job. I need the money from the job. But i cant have a job because i'll be on the plane to cambodia this saturday.
So, let's talk about Samara, the show i caught yesterday with Jon, Melvin and Jian Qi. It was kinda dramatic, most of you must have seen the trailer where the boy sits in the bathtub and water starts flying in every direction. [ I bet he caused the Tsunami ] So out of the many cute and cuddley looking little boy in the whole world, Samara must choose to possess one that looks semi scary and calls his mother Rachel. In the first place, she should possess a girl rite? I think Samara must have been some sick shit for wanting to change her sex. They probably don't have plastic surgeons in that world. So i think Jon was right that the long hair covering the face was too overrated to be scarey. I also agree with Melvin's point that Samara isn't a very scarey name. It sounds like this name of your friendly girl next door neighbour. But i think the way she crawled outa the well was amazingly disgusting. She's just this gross looking thing with clammy skin, tangled hair and torn clothing. She lives in a well that is reallie twice as gross as her. All she reallie wants is a mummy. Given her fine looks and wonderful room, i think i'll spank her if i were her mummy. " You have been a notti girl!"..maybe then she'll stop haunting people.
So today i woke up feeling dizzy and fluish. Although i wanted to go out and at least have a little fun i couldn't. So i had to succumb to playing with neopets and listening to trashy music i downloaded.
I think Ciara rocks. She's da only one that dances in a weird way but still looks damn freaking cool. And it's just real hard to sing like coz she can sing fast and sexy at da same time. One, Two step's something u cant help dancing to.
I'll read ma book again later. It's reallie kinda sad, this story im reading. This guy Warren loves this girl Zoe (whom he made a model) but she loves this other man Nicky . Zoe slept with Warren for a period of time but Warren couldn't get it up coz he had some penile dysfunction. Then one day while warren's asleep, Zoe discovered he was getting a hard on, but by the time she woke him up, da moment was gone. Then he went to consult some doctors and found that it was possible for him to get an erection. So when it was finally in working condition, he masturbated until he almost died. When he revived, he went to look for Zoe. But no! Nicky, was back (Zoe thought he'd died in Vietnam at first) and he demanded to know where Zoe was. Determined not to let Zoe know about Nicky, he pretended to promise Nicky to let Zoe know when he saw her. He wasn't about to let Nicky ruin his chance. With that, he flew to France to meet Zoe. He was delighted to see her but for some reason she appeared distant. What happened was Nicky found her out before Warren did! And they were already busy making out. So now Warren didn't have a chance to get it up again because the woman he loved was busy doing it with another man.
That's about where I'll read until so far. Interesting stuff.
Lalala....
So i hope most of you are not as bored as me. Time passes slower when u're bored.

*muacks to all*
Special *muack muack* to baby!

2005-03-26T11:19:00.000+08:00

It's been a few days already since the end of sch officially. I think marketing screwed da moods outa lotsa people. But at least now we have time to relax and to do our thing. Guess im gonna miss T105/T110 alot. Ok, i admit we've had some bad times/ experiences /events together/in groups/individually. But still, it has been great fun! Hey, not matter wad happens, all of ya will be remembered by me. Good or bad, but mostly good. I wonder how our new classes will be like. How it'll feel like to be sorta separated from one another. ok

well recently something happened with one of my scout frens, not gonna elaborate much but he kinda just couldn't take it and now he barely even contacts us. its just fucking depressing sometimes.

Well, just wanna let him and everyone else know, that wadeva it is, no matter how little time i spend or how much u dun get out of me, i'll still be there when u need help or someone to confide in.

nuff siad. thanks u all people. muackxx*

2005-03-08T23:28:00.000+08:00

I gave my feet some tender love just now. I used a scrub and soaked them in hot water with lavender oil. THIS IS LIFE man! Then i removed the polish, clipped them and moisturised em. I officially have happy feet. They need a special treat every once and then coz they work extra hard.
I feel somewhat elated now. Wonder where all these energy is coming from.
Sometimes i get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
- Anything but ordinary - Avril

Every day is nothing short of complicated.
I guess we should learn to live with past mistakes, and not repeat them.
PROJECTS are coming in like crazy.
It's going to be the end of Sem soon. Tho i cant wait for the holidays, i really shouldn't be even thinking of it now. WORK first!

Spent a lil time with baby today. He makes me feel dreamy and smiley!
*thank you baby!

2005-03-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

Baby, thanks for ur love.
I know it makes me loads happier.

So tired.
I need ma bed.
Ma sleep.
and ur hugs.

sticking out like a sore thumb

2005-03-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

Recently there has been alot of talk on a certain blog. Too much going on and i haven even been able to blog about it. I guess it's mostly over now and it could have been quite worse. Sometimes, it's hard to understand the way some people think. Sometimes people say things, apparently forget about them and finally doing what they preach against. It makes it very hard for us to believe the other things they say. It makes us think whether they can be a better person. Perhaps even if they do improve, we might not see it as we worry whether or not we'll be deceived.
So anyway. I mean, sometimes we just give up on people. On the way they try to carry themselves in public. And the fact that they see everyone else at fault but them. I think if you don't mean to apologise. Don't do it. If u mean to do so, make sure it's a real one. Not mixed with sarcasm and self denial. Sarcasm is nothing but a tool of self destruction if used wrongly.
Ive been truly disgusted of the issue that has happened recently.
The next time someone is trying to tell u wad went wrong, no matter how bad it sounds, try to find out before coming out with some weird shit about that person. And you know what irritates the hell out of me? People who try to be calm and composed but overdo it and give themselves away. It's so revolting.
How about i tell you what i cant stand about you and you reply sayin, " O, im sure I'll believe you if you gave me some evidence". U know what, sometimes things are already so clear that it needs no further explanation. You don't have to look very far for the answer sometimes.
Hey, no one says you cant change. It's just that if you believe you cant, you never will. And i do mean changing for the better. yes. Such a feat is actually possible.

2005-02-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

im just sad. again.
dun know why.
sometimes things really seem messy all.
what am i thinking.

love u baby*

like how now?

2005-02-25T21:32:00.000+08:00

Hi people. I haven been blogging. This is bad. Finally I have time to sit down and blog and think about what Ive been doing for the past few months. But when I do, it all doesn't seem to make perfect sense. How do you make perfect sense of a few months worth of events in one entry? I guess not. There's alot I want to say. Alot I want to apologise for. For starters, JONNY ...jonny jonny jonny..im so sorrie. Haven been around for you too much. U must have been asking where i was when u needed me all to talk to right? Im so so sorry, i feel that i owe you the greatest apology. Coz u've always been around to hear me out and i think i let you down. Last times pple thought we had something going on. BUT NO...there wasn't at all. But now honestly, there's little going on. [eh not tt way ah, i got les ah pple], but u know..our friendship way. And to be honest with you, Im dun know what i can reallie do all. I mean, im reallie quite frustrated. I miss ya. Honest.
Then it's like all the rest of you too. Im sorry i haven been around enough. But the singles thing sometimes get into my brains. Makes me feel attached pple are craps all. Gets me down all when i get less of shalu or mabel going.."eh, tml wear black huh?". Now no more. Sorry guys. if u all think i mean it bad tell me k. Now not alot i hear frm u all. I know partly my fault la, but sometimes like no one cares tt much alrey. And u know wad. I really love u all to da max...so like i feel kinda shitty. even "to the max" also learn frm mabel. Next time mabel u copyright k, we always learn frm u all the funny funny expressions.wish i could give u all a *big hug*
O man..ok..i stop saying all da sad sad la.
les les baby, thanks for all da stuff you put up with sometimes. Im glad you've been understanding all the while. muack* Love u.

so like if anyone wanna sms me to tell me ur opinions, u can look for wendy under ur phone book and send me love or hate mail. I try to accomodate k?

In a land called crystal ship

2005-01-31T23:41:00.000+08:00

Ok, so everyone's blogging about crystal ship. Crystal ship was fun.fun.fun. All tt love and dedication of Dawn and Izzy put into it. Perhaps if more of us chipped in earlier on it would have been easier for them. But nevertheless all da best was put in and *poof*.."nite fever nite fever"...cynty danced like pro man!Im glad shalu and I helped da dawnny woman, coz she was like STRESSED! [duh]
I miss u all. All the dancing. The Emily family. Da love from my baby boy.[we love da dance floor]..our phantom techno dance.., LOL..so fast..everything passes so fast.
So many things happened during the entire duration of chalet-ing. Some happened for the better, some for the worse. ROCK ON HAPPY PPLE.
ok...lemme tell u wad happened on the first night
1. ALL the booze used up [i bet jack drank lots of it]
2. My baby bought me Flowers..[awww]
3. Everyone was afraid to dance [thanks alan, syad and baby for getting pple in the mood]
4. We da mad mamas heated up da dance floor
5. Everyone partied overtime
6. Izzy slept like a log

second night
1. Emily da strange invades
2. Small turn out of people in the beginning
3. Emily people got tired of the crowds
4. Baby tucked me to sleep coz i was so tired. Yet i couldn't sleep. Thanks for trying baby. Imma bad sleep-er.

Think i lost it the seceond night. Was real tired and all. Really wanted to dance, to join the crowd, but all i could manage was an hour worth of dance. LOL.

Love u all, good/notti/dancing/drinking/partying/happy/drunk/playful/greedy/happening/sexy/booty-shaking people. *BIG MUACKX*

baby, you treat me real good. I'll be content just to have a sniff of ur shirt. Or a hug, perhaps even a kiss...ok..TMI!
CYA all!

2005-01-18T01:56:00.000+08:00

So u ask me, what am i doing online if im so tired?
Trying to be company to my little baby boy. Lol, hope you finish all you stuff, i've a feeling im gonna be sleeping soon...

We had another one of those real boring days today. Forgot to bring my phone out...I hate not doing so as it becomes very dreadful without my communicator. There was social psych lec this morn and i was late again. This is really bad!
I had like barely any breakfast so i was real hungry! Saw lil baby les and alan boy walking down the slope. What's with the bigshotness?? He was wearing that shirt. Somehow i felt something inside me light up. I was HAPPY. I got the essay topic and thesis statement from him as my printer was outa white paper. Poor baby, always doing me these little favours.! I love you for being so darn guy and so thoughtful all the time.

After Writ com it was the usual madness again. This time we did the slope run and i fell quite bad. Why all the pressure passed onto me. I scraped my knees and elbow. But it was fun. Just that im scarred!
LOL.

We were planning to watch Aviator after sch. Turns out when we got to Cine, we got tickets for "London Voodoo" instead. This show was making me ponder and fear slightly the magic that we're so rarely exposed to. Ma baby knew i was tired, so in the MRT i got to lean on him. He's so sweet. Always insisting to help me wit stuff. Love u baby! Les baby sent me home. We were being nonsensical again.

Baby, we sing more songs next time k?
muack*

2005-01-13T01:49:00.000+08:00

Its only been past a few weeks, yet it feels like months.
Love you baby, it was never too soon to do so.

*muack*

2005-01-10T22:57:00.000+08:00

Wad a crappy start to a day in the morn. I left house at 7, but decided the skirt was an entire mismatch, so i went home immediately to change it. After that, i couldn't find my keys. Somehow my keys [wit jackjack keychain] was missing! So i used this other set of keys to open the door.

Another dose of social psych, a boring lec in the morn. Why like that? Saw lil baby sitting at the foyer wit Alan. He was so cute. Just had to go up to him. Why did i pretend i didn't wanna hug him and all? I really wanted to. But hugged jay more instead! lol.

Had lunch in the canteen coz i felt real broke. But ate 2 ice creams cones at mac after tt.

FUN PART: Shalu, mabel,Jo, Penny and I were running down the slope with our arms around each others neck. It was real pain too. Fell down like 3 times. HAHA. So violent.

Baby les came to pick us up after marketing. Alan and baby had the chance to carry manda to the stadium. It's good practise for the army!

Watched da matches {netball} with lil les playing******
When i saw that he looked somewhat upset i wanted to cry too. Duno why. Tell me why k baby? But turns out he was fine. =)

He sent me home after dinner. He says if its late he must send me home. But i felt incredibly bad coz he has sch at 8am tml. Thanks baby les, you make me feel really happy and all.

2005-01-09T01:16:00.000+08:00

7.45am I woke up [ da damn alarm clock din work. supposed to wake me up at 7.30? Why like that?]
called lil les and felt kinda bad // too late a morning call. But as usual, he dun complain. He never does.
8.45am Got outa my house. TIME FOR BROTHER SCOUTS. LOL. Da ceremony was really not that formal. I was talking and all in da formation. Why no discipline wendy?
9.10am Reached AMK station. Eddie told me abt da matters on his heart. I felt so bad. Wish i could help. He really does love her alot.
9.26am Reached da outskirts of BWSS and did falling in. Felt so young again. Poly makes pple feel older.
12 plus Had lunch with da gang n all. Eddie called me faggot and asked me to be more manly. LOL. Just pure madness.
2 plus Headed to Thompson Plaza, they wanted to get their guitar strings and all.
3pm Was home. I was super tired. Why? Tot about les, he's so sweet//all the time. But our HP bill is gonna suffer. LOL. BUT we really cant help messaging so much!!!! [Anyways i just fell asleep]
5 plus I woke up the second time in a day. All the oil smells from the kitchen was flooding my room. Where did all the cool rainy air go to? baby les msged me. It was a real nice one. Just like him!
7 plus Had a sudden urge to change my phone. So my whole family went out. But found out that it was much too expensive to change my phone now. So leave it till AUG! Messaging with my phone can be dreadful.
8 plus Accompanied my mum to OG, she wanted to buy shoes. I must make sure she doesn't get those really aunty like ones. So like baby les called, but i was like giving real dull answers coz my mum was around. LOL. Tt's real sad.
10 plus Dad picked me and mum up, but he wanted supper. So he brought us to some coffee shop and we ate eggs. LOL. I WAS SO FULL.
11 plus till now -- Just time for Ma lil baby!
MUACK*

Kissy baby summore

2005-01-04T22:37:00.000+08:00

Can i speak of sleepiness again? Is it a valid reason to be happy? Coz i am. Im happy to be sleepy. Im happy to be loved. Im happy that people around me are so concerned, doting and caring. Marketing was funny. J.Lo showed us this little kids and all in cambodia. Poor lil people. I feel so sorry, I see the sadness all in their eyes. But J.LO
will always be J.Lo. He has to tell us some funny thang and make us laugh. Sometimes i imagine him as being the kind of person he described himself to be before. But it seems highly impossible. He's a real lecturer to get along with.
Life is weird huh? Sometimes it's slow moving. other times things happen so fast you cant stop to wonder what's going on around you. Rather, you just keep stepping ahead. It's just like stepping into a pitch black cave without a torch. But someone will come along and guide u till the very end. Of coz I believe that god is my main guide and saviour, but others will make this journey wonderful.
baby baby, you are one of em.
you tell me nice sweet stuff
you make me laugh over n over
yeah..kissy baby has made his debute
one thing to strike off my wishlist...heh

first day of da yr!

2005-01-01T18:01:00.000+08:00

Ok, yesterday was the last of 2004. There's gonna be times I'll miss and memories I will never forget. I wish i could list every single one of em. Haha. Impossible. Every moment with T105 would already take up an entire entry! So yesterday, I thought my plan was busted. Thought i wouldn't get a chance to countdown with my darlings. But i guess i was wrong. After the debate with my mother, she finally allowed me to go. I had my brother along so she wouldnt feel so insecure.
So like we met izzy,manda,melvin and headed for glutton square. After hanging around for abit. I brought my bro to meet Jo,Irfan and some others. It was interesting to see my bro get along relatively well with others.
Ok, we went to the esplanade and was met with the bad news that electrico was gonna start at only 12.30. Met da others, les,janice,alan,fee and gang. So we went off to look for izzy and all at the jazz bar. But after getting stuck and all, we took a real long time to reach the MRT station. Surprisingly, we saw da other gang there alrey. So we zoomed off to the bar together. yeah..counted down in there...so many of us! Then we grooved n brought da house dance with the dancing in circle thang. Then sped home in cab with my bro. OK..tt was super summarised.LOL...we had more fun then tt..
Another time pple. MUACK..i love u all!

spinning head

2004-12-26T20:45:00.000+08:00

My head hurts. Been sleeping badly. Got home 4 plus in the morn. Izzy,Dawn,Leslie,Aki,Jon and me were in town. We watched Phantom of the Opera. I love that musical. Should I have something to eat later? I feel a little hungry.

I need sleep, I warrant thee!

Chorus of the day
" Oh, all the promises we made
All the meaningless and empty words
I prayed, prayed, prayed
Oh, all the promises we broke
All the meaningless and empty words
I spoke, spoke, spoke"

Promises by cranberries

U'll be surprised

2004-12-21T21:28:00.000+08:00

The prolonged sickness im experiencing is such a turn off. Cant sing. Cant play. Cant crap. Just look dumb dumb and all. Sitting there allowing conversations to pass. Maybe it's a lesson. "How to be a better listener". Am i happy? I've yet to decide that one. Life's pretty stagnant at the moment. I love going out and stuff with em pple, but rite now i feel a lil too sick to enjoy hanging out.

ok...this is odd...a try at writing a song? LOL..dun laugh k..dun laugh!

Like a nightmare comes to me [composed by me]

What's with the words
Bringing me down inside
Tearing out my pride
Taking me for rides
If you thought u helped
stop ruining with lies
If you thought i liked
stop wasting your time
Give me leave to hide

I need a brand new kite
Patched out of memories

Going twice and going gone
Nothing's right yet nothing's wrong
Traded me for vacant dreams
Like a nightmare comes to me

What's with the cries
cast me out of your sight
driving me out of my mind
stroking burns u ignite
If you thought u gave
Make merry with lies
If you thought i had
Quit being a bitch
let me give you a hitch

I need a brand new kite
Patched out of memories

Going twice and going gone
Nothing's right yet nothing's wrong
Traded me for vacant dreams
Like a nightmare comes to me

I need a brand new kite
Patched out of memories
Cast them all away...

2004-12-17T21:12:00.000+08:00

OK. NEVER write in fragments children! But ya know wad..i dun really care. Coz I like. Fragments are so easy. So like me. All pieces, but all link to the same thang!

Ok, let's talk about last night. It was supposed to be a party people! Went to Jon's fren's (Josh's) house to "jam". Ended up sitting for a while and going off coz it was rouge time! Jo and I took the bus 131 (i think)..we were supposed to alight at Novena Station. But being the smart ass i was, i saw that one of the bus-stops had bus 851 and i got down the bus on impulse. I mean..straight bus to home rite? WRONG. Almost got knocked down by a damn bus. It was so horning at me! OUCH! Ok. As if that wasn't bad nuff, i decided i couldn't wait for 851 any longer. So i went back to the other stop and took a bus to Novena station for real. Felt real pissed at myself. Crappy crappy!
So i was bladdie bladdie late. Yep..i mean it!
Met them up only around 8.30 when i was supposed to be there by 7.45pm! WTH rite?
*party begins*
It started out with electrico...I LOVE da lead's voice!!!!
Ok..then there were some games and stuff. Aki won a consolation prize..lucky him!
SO anyways..Manda got drunk..kinda bad and stuff. (dun need to know the details)..
The rest of us were booggying on the dance floor. Stange things happened..ahem* ahem*..lol..funny things too...dawn and i did lesbian dance.so evil of us..haha!
After that we went wild and tired. Manda had to use the loo..for practical reasons(u guess)..everything became terribly messy and we were all disoriented!
Finally decided to go off..lol..Happily..darn tired. Had a fever..still have it..sucks huh? Too much smoke aint my thing!

*muack*..hope u guys had fun too!

NUMB

2004-12-07T09:22:00.000+08:00

Another Lyric entry. The song's Playing.

Linkin Park- NUMB

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you

I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

2004-11-28T21:26:00.000+08:00

SO the good news is today i visited a nursing home for the elderly. The bad news is...my parents still think i chat alot. Even when i barely started! That's the usual anyway!

Im so tired. My eyes are telling me to close em real tight and SLEEP.

Tell me what to do

2004-11-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

IM FREE! *The counter timer beeps*...tt's abt it.. other then that the day is went as pernormal. My pay is gonna be mailed to me..so i guess i gotta WAIT...*dreams abt levis*..lol. Rito, soo it's time im doing something abt my hair. It's gonna be done tml. Gonna head for the hairdresser arnd 10 plus am. Yay, gonna cut it cut and highlighted first. Gonna be real ex. Im borrowing money frm mum first! Haz! SO, tml i can finally wake up later then the usual [wait a min, tml is a sat]...ok.. IN UR HEAD...ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE BIE BIE BIE.... it's really in my head....

Let's take a moment to digress.
>
>
>
>
>
>
Ok...that's far too long. SO im gonna do some chillin..haha..MUACKX

Money matters

2004-11-25T09:17:00.000+08:00

It's like my second last day n work. *Counter timer beeping*...time flies like nobody's business. Im fragging excited to get some stuff with the money i earn.

1. Cut,Highlight and maybe flare my hair.
2. Buy tt Levis!
3. Change my phone
4. Buy lots of X'mas pressies!

Thinking of what im gonna do just makes me so HAPPY!

Tis is madness. Ok, maybe I wont be able to get all tt stuff.
The amount in which they will cost..in order as above...
1. Arnd $150 (hopefully not more)
2. Arnd $150
3. Arnd $100
4. Arnd $100

That's a total of $500!!!!!!
Ok..so which means almost everything i earn will be used up...Better luck next time Wendy! (and i was thinking of that manicure!)

OK, this has been a calculative entry! Looks like Maths is BACK! For good this time!!! Ahhhhhh... I better reserve some money for the BIG LOVELY GUY up there!!! *I LOVE U*...can u hear me????

madness personified

2004-11-22T11:26:00.000+08:00

Yet another day, in office, basking in the monotony of office work. I'm gonna stop working this fri --- cant wait. Came back frm Mabel's house yesterday after taking care of the 2 drunken nuts. Actually mabel was high, but Shalu..she was beyond. She woke up cursing and swearing -- it's a gd thing u have no idea how you looked shalu, u were amazingly drenched in ur vomit.. Wad more, didn't allow us to bathe u properly, so we were stuck in the muck too. Jo, i could give u a kiss rite now, we both worked overtime cleaning tt woman up. Aw, dun worry shalu, i still love you. The puke was..LOVELY. lol.. Well, it's a gd thing my parents weren't tt preeved when i reached home. Mabel's insane, u just cant make out whether she's high or being herself. haha..it was hella funny.. "im so lucky to have u all as classmates" // Then when she wakes up it's another story. {nooooo..dun wrap ur arms arnd my neck..}// but Mabel's armpits smell the best! Ok, so i better cut short my crap and get back to the Chilly vicinity of phone-rings and minor insults. Ciao...

chillin' at workin' place

2004-11-09T09:18:00.000+08:00

Hey my loves, i haven't been blogging for a darn long time. Right now im at work, taking a few minutes off to blog..
Im honestly not really good at this job of mine..but as long as the boss doesn't complain..im safe! LOL..just for now..it's starting to become this countdown thing for me..like..2 and a half weeks to go before sch starts...Damn..plus i have this upcoming scouts camp from the 2nd nov to 5th nov...talk abt a busy schedule. Where's the damn holiday!?!
In any case...right now..if u guys read derek's blog ...u will realise that he feels one sided...why derek why? Maybe's im to blame..so i apologise..but u being sad and all just makes me feel so demoralised and semi depressed too ya know. [somebody gimme an ego pls..]
So anyway, since im in my office now..i better start working and quit slacking..
Muackx to all..
esp to ya! ;)

poetry

2004-10-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

Last year my friend told me of a poem that sounded very much like this, and so i reckon this is it. It's sweet. really.

Love Not Me
by John Wilbye

Love not me for comely grace,
For my pleasing eye or face,

Nor for any outward part:
No, nor for a constant heart!
For these may fail or turn to ill:
Should thou and I sever.

Keep, therefore, a true woman's eye,
And love me still, but know not why!
So hast thou the same reason still
To dote upon me ever.

moi

2004-10-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

Insecurity is a very frightening thing. I used to be insecure both physically and emotionally. Fortunately it wasn't an extreme condition and i usually kept to myself about it. Everyone's life seems to be pieced by some sort of special microfibre like detail embroidered together by god's will. We behave and respond in a similiar, yet complexly different manner. It's like sadness can be expressed in many varied forms. None of us are able to hold on to our emotions. As a child these feelings are the least suppressed as we have little cares about what others think of us. But slowly,our desires to prove others wrong, to diminish stereotyping and adapt to others have made us vessels with a tight lid. We open up much lesser. [envy little kids!]
Anyway, back to my main topic. I suppose the gradual insecurity was because of my tendency to worry how i appeared,spoke and sounded to others. Now it's getting better. I guess im not completely cured of it.
But if anything, i know im as human as everyone else.

A thousand miles

2004-10-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

* After the minimal rest I've had because of the Hotel 81 happening, i'm tired. But it was really funny. Almost enjoyable. And not quite as sick despite what people may think.[im sure the other blogs will contain much useful details] It was a sevensome. LOL. Hella fun!*

Today there was editing again. Im just so happy that Mabel and I got like 90% of it done. Although it was much too short! Man, tt hot babe Mabel must have had her chest groped like crazy by us ever since the last edit! Lol [Yes, you're probably going "i know you're jealous rite?" to me if you read it Lebam!] But i think it's through all the groping and crapping around that we really see the true colours of one another. We're like madness personified! And you know what, that did us amazing good. Of course dear Shalu contributed much of the sexy hair flips and gave us moral support all the way as the D.O.P. Which reminds me, today when i told Shalu that i dreamt of her hating me,and the first thing she asked, was just as fascinating as my dream. "Wendy, in your dream did i have makeup on?" What Now, Shalini Selliah??!! LOl. After the edits we decided to chill a lil at our usual hangout. Mambo Pool...we all played a game each. Just love the stuff we do. Then we headed to Orchard. Although our initial plan was to watch a movie, we didn't manage to as the movie timings were a mere bit too late. In any case, I had to go off earlier coz my dad smsed me to ask why i wasn't home. Just collected the laundry and hung up the already washed clothes for drying. Mum's in vietnam now so there's no chance of sharing the housework with her. LOl. Did i mention i hate vacuuming the floor? I guess it's not really the work of vacuuming, it's more of the sound that i cannot stand. I hate holding machines and walking around with them too. I especially loathe it because i'm ever so clumsy. But otherwise, housework doesn't really turn me off. I used to adore washing toliets[strangely]. Just love water, makes me feel so clean.

** Derek, dun feel bad that you cant send me home sometimes. Naturally i'll miss your company, but that doesn't mean that i don't understand that you have things to tend to. Don't worry, i'll do just fine. I'm sure even if i meet with an extremely disgusting perv or flasher i'll be hornier then him and ward him off with my strange tactics.heez **

Muackxxxxx

2004-10-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes as moments pass you by, even the most painful memories, most disturbing thoughts become nothing more then a blur. That's how people leave their better forgotten past behind. Scars, battle wounds will leave their mark on us, but we have healed so much they appear to be minor defects that seldom others will notice.

Im not thinking very well right now.

I've been strangely either overreacting or underreacting these days. My brain has taken a toll for the worse.

Poor derek. LOL.
Ok, just bear with me for these few days. Thanks! U're just so comforting, sorry if i spend so much time burdening you with my mindless problems..try to ignore them sometimes.

Actually i think i owe my classmates an apology too..i keep complaining that i aint got money..a lil too much. I'll keep it down.!

Nothing gets better

2004-09-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was simply devastating. First, we couldn't complete the Bauhaus project. Second, the presentation was screwed. Third, i lost my wallet. Fouth, I lost my EZ link card[inside the hp casing, which was in my bag for sure]. Fifth, the busdriver was telling me that i was lying coz i didn't put enough coins when in fact i didn't know how much to put. Well, actually he thought that i put the money in there just to fake that i'd paid for the ride. the truth was that i had no money and card. Sixth[ and the worst] my parents scolded me really badly, which was both good and bad. But i cried like gallons and woke up with swollen eyes. Although i didn't do very well for the other graph comm stuff, the grades were only slightly disappointing. The other issues yesterday were worse. If at any one point i was asking myself what would happen if everything went wrong in a day, then i'd say yesterday's the closest so far. I hope i'll get my stuff back. A whole 50 bucks lost. My whole week's allowance. I haven't even paid some of my dear group members the money for the project. I just want my IC actually..it's so damn worrying without it. My dad reprimanded me severely and told me the consequences of losing my ic..blah blah..i totally agree..but he could have just kept that to himself because im not such a dumb ass. Well, who am i trying to kid anyway..losing the wallet was dumb enough...
I'm so glad bauhaus is over.
Thankx for sending me home and helping me to lug my stuff home lovely mate! Muack!
I think you and the rest of my darling grp were my sole consolation. Thankx u all!

2004-09-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

It has been eons since i last wrote here. I miss blogging. I miss having time too. Now everything's just about work and more work. projects are piling up and datelines seem to be nearer..Sch's stress and stuff...thankfully i have derek sometimes..he's so annoyingly nice..lol[i mean it in a gd way]..hahaz..well..just think it was really sweet that he hung out with me on monday..accompanied me while i finished media critique and skipped LOCVID and graph comm..aww..ok..im bad company...
Hate me dear!
hahaz..ok..nvm...i think im just tired and capable of extensive bullshitting! There's gonna be filming again..soon...tt's gonna drain everyone's energy again..but as for now..i just cant wait to get over next mon!
How did that filming on fri and sun go? Well..it went much too slow, but nevertheless it was fun.. Fortunately i didn't have to smoke..think i make a reallie bad smoking actress..!lol..
TTs about all i can say before my mind drifts off to lala land....sigh*

Bleahz

2004-09-13T01:29:00.000+08:00

What a long day! Seems like it dragged till forever to me..by the way HI MANDA! Lol..the infamous blog reader! Basically had the rehearsal for this grp's project filming today. It was dawnny's bday too. I hope she was really surprised!
I dun have much to write about today. My mind is comparable to an empty vessel right about now...hello wendy? wake up? Ok, i give up..zero response..i think a good night's sleep will do the trick!

Today[[weird]]

2004-09-12T01:09:00.000+08:00

Today was interesting. Basically i screwed up at everything. Lol..frm sending harie smses to sending harie emails..lol..harie..why why why? haha..it's like producer block. But thanks for being such a spot and asking me for the stuff again harie..shows tt u are doing a gd job [ tho u killed my sleep ]..hehz
Ok, let me tell all of you about bladder disorder. DUN GET IT!
Today i was on the bus on my way to sec sch for scouts. I was happily seated near the door at the last compartment of one of those long TIBS buses. Suddenly, this guy came up to the door and had both his hands on different bars. He bore some sort of an agonizing expression. I looked down to his trousers and then to his slippers. His slippers had a somewhat concave area so that his foot could rest comfortably. But as soon as my eyes reached the slippers..darn were they flooding! The "water" flowed out of the curved area and spilled onto the bus. The guy then pressed the bell and quickly got off. Just as I thought it was over [ altho technically not coz i was sitting near the pool of stench filled water]..he took a few steps forward and unzipped his pants. Then he just peed into the bushes. That would have been fine if the whole bus wasn't watching him. Alas, it was over and all that was left was just pisses of him. I really had no idea whether to sympathize or to scorn... when i related this event to my mother, she commented that he was a sick guy. But what kind of sick? Was he really unable to contain himself, did he have a bladder problem [ and if he did he should have been wearing diapers ] or did he simply wanna have an excuse to air his penis in public. Talk about airing dirty linen in public!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Had dinner at the restaurant that was started by my mum's sisters and in laws. We waited almost an hour for the food coz there were too many people. Think they should hire more cooks although the more you hire, the more you pay. My bro and dad were so obviously starving. And hungry men= angry men..that's one thing for sure!
***** ***** *****
Didn't get to see Dear derek today. But i think it's kinda good in a way. We see each other almost every other day. It's time to understand the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder". *muackx*

Angel

2004-09-09T23:08:00.000+08:00

I love this song. But my angel isn't that far away. He's just sitting nearby me all the time, during class. He's always there for me. It's like he's all i could ever ask for and more. Just someone cute, with a proper understanding of me.
This song's so for the broken hearted too..any of you out there feeling it..just know that somewhere, somehow, there will be the right someone for you...do not fret...

Angel [ Sarah mclachlan]

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escape one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

Muackx*derek*

Pieces of me

2004-09-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

It's kinda funny, i dun exactly adore the simpsons, but this song meant something to me. I guess being the humans that we are, it is only natural for us to want someone to lean // depend on. It's so true that all of us want to be loved too. Love never really does us much good, but i suppose it's how we choose to perceive it. The highs are always very high, and the lows, very low. Let's just love one another and keep it high!

Pieces of me [Ashlee Simpson]

On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care

When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy it's a mission
And you won't stop til I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know everything I'm about to say?
Am I that obvious?
And if it's written on my face...
I hope it never goes away... yeah

On a Monday, I am waiting
And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms...
So I can breathe

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me...

* I love u *

Crazy talk

2004-09-01T09:35:00.000+08:00

As i was just chatting with online with this guy online just now, he asked.."how are u?"..I replied with "sick". He then asked a very intelligent question, "why sick?"...I said.."not feeling well"..i mean honestly..how would i know what was the exact thing that make me sick? Then he went on asking, "Where sick?"..(like i'm some psycho and he's just doing his part by interrogating me) and i said.."flu and slight fever"[ should i have said nose and forehead instead?]..then he came back to his first question."what happened?"...man...if i were any more sick, i would have gone into spasms.

Ok..maybe im being mean and stuff ...but since u already know someone is not feeling well..refrain from probing about what happened..
1. It's tiresome to explain
2. I really dunno either
3. It just makes a person feel worse

I think he was just trying to be concerned. Well, despite the fact that i think im mighty bitchy for passing such remarks..i really cant help it..my brains are short of spewing out and my nose is a leaky tap... I have no choice but to go to school for these reasons:
1. SAB!! [ part of my attendance gone if i dun go]
2. I need to help my mates with the SAB thing!!
3. I have to go for tennis..well..even though i might not be playing
4. I have to meet my best friends after that because im the one safekeeping the presents!
5. Need videobucks to book the editing room..and the bucks are with me..

I hope not many people are reading this entry coz the bitch in me is starting to surface..just pray that my sickness will end soon so that my internal demon will be subdued.

Just Another day

2004-08-29T20:58:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes I get so weird,
I even freak myself out.
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my, lullaby...." Song by Avril [[ anything but ordinary ]]

I can so relate to this song. It just explains me. It's also like the testimonial that Derek wrote for me. Im weird // insane // senseless // in my world (lala land?).
I think im tired. Caffeine in the early morning completely dulled my senses [ not like i was perky to begin with anyway ]
Then after church and shopping with my friends [obviously not for myself, im dead broke]..I think i am literally shagged. Somebody bite me!
And as usual, when im tired, i barely think, hardly have any time to react at all and the result is slow slurred responses. Like a morse code gone wrong. Therefore..if you were to read my blog and make no sense of everything, seriously, it's not you!

I guess im mildly interested in how humans are able to keep their calm and composure in times of trouble. Im not talking about the general public here, im quite sure not everyone is capable of it. But those who can handle tacky situations in a smooth manner really get my admiration. So well, nuff said..im gonna rest my brains for a while! LOL
Yay..seeing the lovelies tomorrow!
Miss u all!

Too much

2004-08-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

Wow..today we had photoshoot..it was pretty much outrageous fun..all gals thing. I was a drummer [so poseur] hahaz. Well, i relish the moment..it was a total destress period. I guess meeting a cute guy (*smiles*)after that..was certainly even more rewarding. Then i had steamboat for dinner again. Why steamboat? Maybe my parents enjoy picking food and waiting for it to boil. But honestly, i hope this doesn't carry on for the next few weeks or i'm gonna develop a phobia for steamboat.
Gonna go early to church tml coz there's gonna be a bible studies session. So sweet of the lovely people for organising it. Yay, and this time i get to go by chartered bus from Yishun because only last week i realised that it existed. Im such a little // foolish // confused // demented soul.
I don't understand why Miss universe, or any pageants at all appeal so much to the public [ k,perhaps i do know why]..but although it motivates people by giving them the drive to work harder on their already malnourished bodies,allows us to know that there are beautiful people in this world and gives the good lookers a chance to flaunt it, it also depresses a certain group of people. Imagine this: A bunch of almost flawless looking, hourglass bodied and charismatic girls are put on stage. Problem : they reinforce the idea that good looking people are influential // full of opportunities // well liked // popular // et cetera. While this is undeniable in most cases, as first impressions do count. How well do we know these girls? Is it fair to judge her while she is on stage and crown her because of her flair on stage? So it's ultimately what she manages to say while in the pageant that determines her a position? Doesn't that show that she is crowned mainly because she looks ravishing and speaks like she has attended speech communication lectures all her life? (ok, some do lots of good deeds..sorrie)Darn..ok..let's just be plain and simple : she won because she appealed to both the judges and audience. So whether or not she is the best, is questionable. She's bold, i admire her for her courage, but i guess the word "fame" has been dangling on her mind.

Ok..i better stop...need sleep..miss u people..so glad sch's starting again..

Here's the *muack* for the cute guy..thankx for making my day brighter =)

Yayazzzz

2004-08-27T19:11:00.000+08:00

Period = Pain accompanied by loss of blood
That definition depicts my situation well. LOL. It does sound rather gross, but alas, it is the truth. But I also realise that people do care when im feeling down or sickly. That's just so heartwarming. I really have to thank god for letting me meet such caring people.
LoL..the lil baby that my mum used to take care of (lovelycuddlydarlingsweetiepie)...she just put my bro's underwear over her head and started laughing...tt was so cute! I just had to plant a smacking wet kiss on her cheek.
Awww...
Just love kids.
people..it's shalulu bday today!
"happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to shalu
happy birthday to you!"
Muackx!

T105

2004-08-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

Beauty is something wonderful, breathtaking for some and misleading for many. The best girl of guy doesn't have to be the best looking one. It's the beauty from within that shines and gives that person that unmistakable charisma. Everyone is beautiful for that light inside them. Each of us made uniquely different and yet, bound by something so similiar.
T105...u guys are the perfect example..even though all of us may not get the chance to interact with each other as much as we want, i think everyone has that aura that draws people to them. We are all opposite ends of magnets attracting each other and becoming one big family. Love u all...

MEdiSOC

2004-08-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

AND NOW...MEDISOC!!! Argg..let's just say it didn't turn out quite as expected. It was tough. In fact, I'll be grateful if i pass it. Suja cheated us with her much simpler online medisoc quiz.
A long tiring day for me. I think im supressing wrong emotions. I need to think through and evaluate them slowly. Im irrational,impulsive and perpetually paranoid. What's wrong? I think i just lack sleep.

Listening and thinking about
"kiss me"

Soem (half song half poem)

2004-08-24T20:46:00.000+08:00

Im sinking into grounds
Into wonderful dreams
Into a perfect life
filled with misery
There's no getting over
There's only getting on
You give,give and give
knowingly getting none
Now tell me what's fun
people watch, cynics scorn
Endless strive
Wherefore salvation?
Nothing to depend on
Every step managed
Bloodshed galore
***
I'm waiting, I'm waiting
Redeem me quick
Revive me quick
An empty songs reigns
bringing forth my fears
Fears that all are none
There's no getting over
There's only getting on
Tell me someone
of worlds beyond
Before i come undone
***
Im sinking into grounds
Into wonderful dreams
Into a perfect life
filled with misery
There's no getting over
There's only getting on

Long Days

2004-08-22T18:17:00.000+08:00

I just woke up from two hours of sleep. My head is spinning.Always happens. WEll, we were at Xiaohan's house last night..and of course we barely slept. Why were we there? LOCVID. Im sure that word is sentenced to damnation now. I was really hoping to get to catch Hillsong perform..but it's ok.
Basically yesterday i had such a slacky time at scouts. I practically sat around. Kinda funny coz Farhan and his friends were at school [ coz they wanted to play soccer..but why to cam 2?] and i failed to recognise 2 of them. Then Farhan smsed me "umm..hi"..then i realised..ok..the guy playing back there is him and his gang. [[juz waved and said a HI]]
Then i went for lunch with the bunch of guys and we had chicken rice (again..im not sure why it's always chicken rice after scouts). So i made a dash home after that very memorable lunch (where i got made fun of again)
Had a quick bath (time check,3.45pm) and was heading down to the lift when dear ol' Derek smsed saying.."sorry guys..we're gonna meet at 4.30pm" I was way too early, so guess what..i decided to head upstairs being the lazy person i am.
So anyway, i reached at 4.20pm and Derek brought both me and Jack to Hannyz place. Found out that most of the filming was behind time schedule.I wasn't surprised though, our time management was equally screwed. In any case, things started out pretty ok, though i heard alot of talk about Shalu being severely criticised by Terence. So i decided that i had to tell Terence how horrible he was for doing so. Poor Shalu, lost her purse already and getting blamed for screwing up a film. And as stories go, the protagonist starts surfacing and people get getting involved. I believe that although for Jon's part it was bad timing, Terence should have gallantly apologised too, because he was not being an amiable director.
I guess as stories go again, there was a relatively happy ending. Wad happened? Well, i reckon after the job was done, the toast ended things off with the right note.
We played truth or dare, and we became really sick of it after a while. Besides, we were making far too much noise. We all decided to "go to bed". It was much too cold for me though. Even after Jon changed places with me, it was still freezing. Thus, somewhere through the night, Joanna and I sneaked off to Hannyz room and asked her to let us "bed" there.
After a few hours, i got up and went back to the living room. Was chatting with Manda, Derek and Jon. Suddenly Shalu flung the quilt up and said.."eh..pple trying to sleep here u know!"..LOL..that was really funny. Then she stomped around, half talking to us, half talking to herself. Called me and Jo beeaches for sleeping on Hannyz bed.
Finally, i got back to my humble abode, dad drove us all the way to Bedok to have lunch. I had a terrible sleep // rather lethargic state now.

He's so sweet he makes me smile.
=)
Da end.

geez..

2004-08-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

Well, my darlings..i miss u all..there's something really magical abt t105..I bet even Shane saw it today..gawd..we must reallie be making him jealous..hehz. But he's a reallie nice chap..with a darn witty humour!
Poor Shalu..i feel so guilty..we rushed off the bus today..and she kinda got her purse lost..Shalu..if u're viewing this..i reallie HOPE AND PRAY and pray that you will get your purse back!
Came to my house to chill..man..we were so lesbiany...i wonder how we managed to be so comfortable with touching [[sometimes carassing] each other..heh heh..well..but we still feel straight..still attacted to hot men...*wink*

Well, let me dive into the topic of baby talk.

Babies are so adorable. Ever since i held one, and was old enough to differentiate myself from a baby, i have been head over heels in love with their species. I just cant imagine a world void of babies. Like if we were to be born with a 5 year old body. Babies are tiny lovely god-sent creations. Love them to bits.
Now, what about baby talk? As if they couldn't look anymore adorable, they have to sound so wonderfully perfect. The most perfect language is indeed baby language. Notice the little squeaks and laughs mean so much more then when grown ups do it.
It's so endearing and sincere. They speak through their hearts. No form of language could ever beat that.

Thus..i love baby lang..muack muack muack*******

Nite nite

2004-08-19T21:43:00.000+08:00

Revelling in sweet lullabies
True joy breeds on real delights
Beats of heart's merriment
Music, lyrics, songs are learnt
Swiftly enticing dreams
Entering realistic realms
Caught in a blaze of
"still waking sleep"
Engulfed, fully consumed
Evolved, entirely renewed
Subconsciousness reigns
Thus consciousness feigns
Sleep child with wake busters
End now, no more lacklusters
Good a night.
Off the lights.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

huh???

2004-08-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

IM ELATED....we got the equipment..and we're filming tml..yeepee...
today was a tiring day...we went to buy the drinks stuff frm little India and had lots of trouble transporting the stuff to Shalu's house. Terence abandoned us to watch a movie with his mum..no fair..we had to lug the stuff ..3 of us..and a whole lot of drinks..we even made use of the Fairprice trolley..lol..
Rite..so now im tired...literally..
i need to sleep la..sorry people..im starting to get a lil frustrated..
man..

Worry-fied

2004-08-17T09:07:00.000+08:00

Alritey mates! Today is gonna be busy busy busy again..gonna get the equipment bookings done..hope it turns out well..
Yesh..just needed and outlet coz im so afraid tt we cant get it..darn..well..of coz there will be solutions..but it's better if we're able to just get the whole set of equip for wed..and not think abt solutions..
Lol..terence thinks im bimbo..hmmx..but im either a perv or a bimbo..tt aint very helpful...

*sob*

Kiss kiss

2004-08-16T23:14:00.000+08:00

Wad a day..first of all..the hectic morning was due to LOCVID (actually not tt bad coz we kinda slacked a lot)..well..so fortunately the chinese gardens pple..have so wonderfully approved to our filming..but now the prob is..CAN WE BOOK THE EQUIPMENT?? Terence put a whole lot of doubt in my mind when he said that they saw 50% of the bookings done since last week. Geez...
Harvey must be having a great time ski-ing now..
ANyway,,,,,we had lunch at KFC...haha..i almost wanted to buy more food. Then like good little kids...we went off to the library to study..and u know wad..i studied..damn..looks like our classmates can be serious..o ya..and MAnda was showing her mama side when she reprimanded shalu for not studying..haha..scary but sweet..afterall..it's the tot that counts rite?
And derek..damn tt guy can study..now im not surprised tt he made it to VJC for the first 3 months..i felt so slacker sitting besides him.
I love going to sch..im so gonna miss it...for the next two week..mad eh?
Hahaz..

I love u all.. i think we're spreading some sort of infectious love around..it's consuming me whole...!!

A little bit of this,
A little bit of that,
Started with a kiss,
Now we're on to tt...

Man..i just enjoy listening to tt song.....

Plat!

2004-08-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

DARn...what's wrong..blogging can be annoying at times..
I was just like publishing and it wouldn't work..thus i have to do it all over again
LOL..i was ranting too..now im not just ranting..im COMPLAINING! I used a whole new blog skin..not certain of how long it's gonna last me..but i suppose til i find a nicer one.. =)
Ok..gtg for LOCVID tml..my poor darlings..overworking..lol
*smile* we can do it!!!
In any case.. Today was enjoyable..i thought the church service to be rather engaging and entertaining. I think i ought to be more pious and bond more with my dear *one* [ Looks up and points gleefully]
Ok..so im acting like a retard..but u know what..i couldn't get any better..so..muack* muack*..live with my crazy me pple..i could try to change for the "better..but better is subjective..
************peek-a-boo**************************************************

Jet <>

2004-08-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

JET LYRICS"
Look What You've Done"

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you'
Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Give me back my point of view'
Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do,
well you choose
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you'
Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

LAlala...

2004-08-14T08:20:00.000+08:00

Ok..im heading off to get my sir the campfire accounts soon..[[hate waking up early..]]..in any case...still needta go back to sch..LOCVID..and a lil meeting with my darling grp..im so glad adrian was fine with the short little filming we did that day. Man...everyone's not feeling well these days..harie...shalu...mabel...it's like this epidemic..haha..ok..not tt bad.sorrie ya guys! Im gonna be running late if i dun get my ass off the chair now...but "the force is not with me"...// thus i am still slacking around..

how abt a lil poem?

The night sweet scent
The cold's unwavering heat
The one tinge of heaven
On earth and more
Arising pulsating vibes
Smooth lashing beats
Bloodrush to life depict
The night's sweet surrender
Once more, thou denied
Live on, Live on

again

2004-08-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

Im not sure why of all days i choose to ramble about love today. I guess it's such a complicated matter that it's on my mind half the time.The question is why do i let it linger. For all i cared, it could have been just a fleeting feeling // emotion ..to think about love and imagine being miraculously swept away by it. Of course i need to instill realism in my thoughts. It's so depressing that reality holds perfect love only for a moment and then fades off.. im not in the position to comment about it now..but certainly i wish things were simpler, that life itself was not half as complicated as we deem it to me. Nevermind us being dim-witted fools..course fools are happy sometimes.. [ i dun mean da kinda fools tt was mentioned tt day in church]...well..with tt said..im running out of time..mum came out to "reprimand" me again...

tales of da forlorn

2004-08-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

A drummed beat
caressing heat
yearning not earning
craving and cursing
deranged mental state
fret not too late
crestfallen fool
thy heart rejoices
thy love demises
freedom pays a price
singlehood's enmity
fought and slain
thy battle subjugated
yet remain not elated
broken as mirrors
'twas vengeance spirit
go forth, eradicate
alas, vindicated bloodlife
driven to despair
entangled in thorns
denied of luxuries
pleasures of the heart
matters of the soul
encroach or take permit?

Notebook-ed

2004-08-08T21:59:00.000+08:00

What's up with me? I cant figure. Well, that isn't anything new...
Watched The notebook today...hmmx..it was slightly sad, but things worked out the usual way "happily-ever-after" stories do. Im currently living on the little bit of money i have. Also trying not to think abt the money i've yet to return. I can't even believe that i'm so broke..!!!
Listening to Keane right now (somewhere only we know)...it just makes me feel so odd..like there's this little bundle of nerves twisting and turning within my stomach...sometimes i just miss having a bf..im not sure why..perhaps just coz i can talk mushy without being a tramp..lol..attachment allows and disallows certain things.Yet the fact that i'm actually thinking of this seems so superficial..
Where am i truly? Trapped in my own world of castles in the sky?
woteva...i need a life ..hmmx...anyway... gonna bring some lil kiddies to watch the mational day parade tml..hope they dun bully me..hehz

Village goons?

2004-08-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

Lalala, im so damn tired. I had to scan the articles i had cut out for the media update, then suffer the consequences of sending a large file. Now, i officially have little brain cells..Im like..in a "wha..huh?" state...Then again..SOME people may argue that i didn't have any to begin with anyway. So **** that. Derek just asked me to review his poem. Reminded me of the village that we watched today. Darn, i was expecting better( i mean the show, not the poem). I guess it's really a show based on people's taste. Not exactly to my liking though.
Well..drats...gotta make a move..why is it my parents have so many restrictions?..i mean..i know..yet i dun understand why they let me SUFFER!...haha..ok..they're blameless..
***************************************************************************
Muacks everyone!

I, robot?

2004-08-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

Man..Im super duper tired. Not exactly sure why. Could be coz of the stuff we i did today
1. Kept my eyes opened through the whole Medisoc lecture
2. Wrote tt damn impromtu speech in no more then 10 mins.. [ Why SPGs?...gd thing i actually know what it means..if not.. ahhhhhhh]
3. Discussed Loc Vid over lunch [ not sure which script will be used]
4. Watch I, robot [tt was worth my money]

So now..tt still does not explain why im both physically and mentally drained. Im having a rather bad runny nose and Im so in dire need of sleep..but being the "trying to be optimistic" person i am..im still online..

Right now im gonna reccomend I, Robot..an unnaturally futuristic movie with a great plot and interesting setting. I liked the story line and the way tt robot seemed so humane..though in some sense it didn't feel right.
Tt's about it..i need to do something abt the leaky nose..
We'll gonna try some hip hop tml...wonder how it'll go..
there're auditions?..geez..i cant remember dance steps well...

BACK

2004-08-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

Yes...it's me again and this time im just super glad to be home. The camp was rather draining..both physically and emotionally..but i think it was a gd opportunity for me to understand my leaders(esp. tt beech Renez)..and the scouts. And tho renez has been constantly trying to tell me tt i should practically hold no regard for the scouts (" just pump them relentlessly if they fail to perform a duty")..(and she did tell me tt her approach used to be a friendly one..bleahz)..i still think we need to understand people before trying to be level headed leaders who are content with just punishing. Lol..cant believe tt jonathan from my scouts called me "macho girl"..coz i carried some stuff tt appeared heavy to him. Im not tt macho! So after a whole nite of not sleeping (fri nite)..we finally got the backdrops done out nicely(Tedious!)..and it looked expensive enough. Then there was the campfire. It was really good and bad. As in...the audience loved it...(it was practically a concert with 12 performances)...but we slogged...half the things we did were last minute..so there were minor screw ups here and there. There's no doubt that the clearing up sucked. The only pleasure i derived out of the whole experience was to see happy faces greet me. Hmmx... we played a lil cs after clearing up. I know i suck..keep getting jitters..but i would have missed out on the fun if i didn't go. That's the problem with me..i value listening, hanging out and talking to friends much more then alot of other things. It can be either positive or negative. I develop attachments to certain groups of pple easily..(eg.ventures and 05!)..thus tt makes me Wendy..(feel like singing "my way" in a stupid way now..wink*)

renewed

2004-07-29T23:33:00.000+08:00

Betrothed to consuming temptations
Redeemed by unassuming fates
Enraged by forsworn anger
With pain as forsaken oaths
Walking the steps of darkness
Reaching out to light
Unrelenting death befell
Undeterred by courage
The end was near
They came suddenly
Knights racing from beyond
Swords glistening in light
Fast, slow, slashing blades
Bloodshed as raindrops
With civil brawls came bitter hate
And there came a flash
So piercing hot, white coal
Then there was peace
The restless lay still
The mortals, immortals
Life, renewed by death
Then there was peace again

So you sailed away..

2004-07-22T20:45:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i actually wonder if things are meant to be the way they are..if there was a chance that even a slightest detail could be changed. The movies we watch these days suggest that if such a "miracle" were to occur, it would not only affect that part of your life for that matter, but your entire life as a whole. I do not doubt this. Which is why i strongly believe that the decisions we make now will be our stepping stones into the future. We are slowly guided from mishaps and wrong judgements we have made in the past. The possibility of allowing things to go wrong again is still there. We cannot avoid temptations when they are placed right in front of us. Humans being humans let themselves get taken in. Of course this is why, in biblical context, we are sinners.

*************let's talk happy*************

Ok, so basically my day went well..i was surprised by my odd sort of happiness that was mixed with a tinge of lethargic-ness. Lol, i just enjoy workshop days. Although we had to bear the blunt criticism of Adrian, I'd say that if he was tact we would bound to suffer more. And then i went out with mateys! Yay..*muack* *muack* to them again..they always make me feel better then i am. Though we seriously need to get rid of that annoying bimbo talk that originated from before we watched "mean girls"...
hehz...all u lovelies reading this...im sure u will agree!
ok..well..tt's abt it..

bleahz

Once again at it..

2004-07-20T20:54:00.000+08:00

My dad. Unpredictable. Moody. Kill-joy. Weird. cracks Lame jokes. Angry. Unhappy. Suffers frm insomnia.
And that's why I dun particularly enjoy crossing his path. Like last night(or morning)..i reached home at about one am. He was so pissed, he kept torturing me mentally. I need and outlet, besides writing. I need somewhere that allows me to keep my sanity intact. So..anyway..my dad's so pissed with my scouting life. he thinks that it's just a big waste of time. Im just being made used of. He chided me for coming home so late (who can blame him)..but what he didn't know was that my day was incredibly demanding, both physically and psychologically.
I feel so distant. I think there will be a communication breakdown soon coz im gonna be too unsound to speak to him. I hate guessing what might happen next. Coz usually when i start guessing..things are already on the verge of falling apart.

happy tots. Played a little pool with manda, shalu and Jon. Super sweet people... of coz my playing sucked as usual..but i dun mind....
slap me. SOMEbody

Temporary existance

2004-07-14T21:14:00.000+08:00

Yeah, so here i am at it again.. This time my bro did a shitty job for his exams and he received this parents letter thing. Sucks..ya know why? Coz i got dragged into it. Cant stand it when my mum vents her anger over everything when she's pissed. She's so over emotional. Plus she over reacts. I just wanna be spared from her predictable syndromes. So wad's life about again? I wish the pointless accusations and hypocratical unrest would be subjected to elimination. *ZAP*..and the world would be a hell lot easier. Ok...now i should be a good girl and think positive. *smile* Being a goon feels so wonderful, maybe i should feign ignorance for every other occasion. Do i sound desperate to be another person?...geez..

Ok..reminder..
stay myself.

Rants

2004-07-13T21:12:00.000+08:00

Hey me! How’s life? Tiring, stressful and totally uneventful? Well, happens all the time doesn’t it? Fret no more…introducing…sleep.. Yeah, it’s like the only other thing that relieves us of every other thing.

I’m trying to make sense of my life right now. I wouldn’t say that it’s in turmoil, but definitely things have gotten awry and I don’t know what to expect anymore. Even circumstances and situations have not been kind to me. O.K, so what am I doing here seemingly grieving over my mentally depleted state? Nothing I guess. Just contributing my usual rants and stuff. Geez, I can’t even comprehend what I just typed on the above. I’m tired, but I haven’t reached absolute exhaustion yet. I’m still surviving..in a weird sort of way. Have to make do with my current state.

Am I bad or am I just imagining it. Feels like i’m on nicotine, when a person starts to hallucinate. Why is this about me..now I feel so self centered. Don’t wanna hate myself…really don’t want to.

Don’t betray yourself.
Don’t pretend to love others.
Don’t hate others for any reason.
Don't tell people how much u wanna die coz u dun..
Don't play with fire.

Lullaby

2004-07-11T20:50:00.000+08:00

This was done last year when i was still in my very poetic moods..

Words of whisper caress my soul

make me go out of control

like satin smooth and soft

like feathers, fine to touch

As a lullaby lulls a babe

I'm lured to sweet surrender

Incapacitated,deranged

perturbed by my past

I lurch forward

Leaping though boundries

Those that keep me bounded

A new light envelopes me

Casting away my doubts

Forgive thy transgressions

I'm starting anew now.

A day a day

2004-07-11T11:00:00.000+08:00

I've nv felt less Pissed..I failed to publish a whole entry..i should have saved it..now i've got to redo it so i won't feel tt i didn't type down my thoughts for nothing. I feel like total crap.

Ok..yea..so where was i? Ok back at dinner yesterday..I was being totured by the sight of a poor little dog looking longingly at our food while we were gorging ourselves with an endless supply of food. I felt so damn ashamed of myself. I couldn't do a freaking thing coz of tt darn glass panel tt separated us. It really reminded me of the time i was at underwater world and so desperately wanted to reach out to those fishes but to no avail. So near yet so far. And thus throughout the whole meal, i had to bear with the ordeal of having to watch the dog go hungry while watching us. Gross, despicable and monster-like humans.

Then at night i watched this documentary on doctors who volunteered to service some jailbirds in a third world country. Trying in vail to help them overcome the innumerable deaths tt happened each year because they were unable to help themselves...having little medical expertise. There was this particular guy they had to isolate cause he was suffering frm this hemorrhaging thing that they were worried would develop into and epidemic. Well, reminded me vaguely of counter strike...when someone shoots u in the arm and u're just anticipating the headshot to end your life. Of course tt guy had to suffer so much more..
* ouch * huh...
and so here i am typing abt it so tt i won't forget how damn fortunate i am so tt i remember to be grateful to my parents..
Im half a klutz now coz i woke up all goggy from last night's sad stuff...

boo

2004-07-09T21:09:00.000+08:00

Im so alive. Never felt so alive and sleepy at the same time. It's like I'm combining reality and subconciousness together. Really...wad's with me man..i dun understand half the shit im doing and as for the other half..im only trying my utmost to comprehend. Ok, so i guess that's like the same for most pple. we're all in the process of figuring out our "simple" and flawed lifes. Im kinda pissed with not knowing my stuff well actually. My mum just made me agree to her bidding again. I suppose I cant blame her, she wanted me to attend this dinner thing and then some other activity cropped up and i was being a pain to use it as a excuse from dinner. Do i suck?..maybe..the endless possibilities of it...

LALALALALA...singing a lullaby to myself. Doesn't make perfect sense. Just like everything else. My brain's a virtual mess and im living in a fragment of it. Living on a brain cell..weirdly fascinating...yeah..i know..it's another one of those cold lame jokes..

Bam!

2004-07-07T10:37:00.000+08:00

Sometime later the alarm in my brain is gonna go *ring*..i dread that. It means time to get my ass off this warm little seat of mine and get jumping into happy mode. Yeah, a great start to a great day right? I dunno. Seems so pretentious. Gonna be attending 'starting a business'..exactly wad do i know abt it. Well, pretty cool class though. Im such a slacker. Im not even writing in concise and organised manner. I need a a splash of cold water on my face. NEED IT. O ya, first time im writing here coz my darn diary somewhere else is starting to get on my nerves. Cant even activate the damn thing.

*ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........*